You have to give up one or the other. . female April 10, 2012, 11:39 am, Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Let him go. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. Hes not a victim, unless she raped him. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. I agree that using a condom (even when she was on the Pill) would not have necessarily meant she wouldnt have gotten pregnant. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. Stuff like this really grinds my gears. depressed, got back together, money. Women why do we allow men to sleep with us while they are drunk again..my god.I wont say dont continue your relationship but it will be hard. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. Having the foresight to step out early doesnt make him an asshole. and our I mean, I know guys are suppose to stick up for guys, but come on.. Theres a fun scenario. Im not saying this guy is wonderful by any means. Second, regardless of what sort of cretin this dude is, the baby mama is no better. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. unfortunately, ive seen more than one person take pills the wrong way (whether it be because they forget, dont take it at exactly the same time, dont pay attention to warnings about drug interactions, etc). If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. I dont think anyones saying that. iseeshiny If a woman is raped and aborts a child, there is nothing to support. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. He sounds a bit flakey. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. SpaceySteph Seriously, doesnt anyone get off on oral anymore? I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. He says he cant stand her? So on what grounds do you hold the carpenter for child support and let the IVF doctor walk? A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs. The fact that a child is adopted does not somehow guarantee the theyll be cared for. . so many unwanted and unplanned pregnancies could be prevented if people just showed more interested and care in using birth control. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. the manchild gene!! It was a vague post on my part Made even more confusing by the fact that _jsw_ was posting at roughly the same time and then his posted first. Grow the fuck up! Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. I have no doubt theyll be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted with a mom so loving as you! But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. Iwannatalktosampson The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. He CHOSE to do that he took that risk because it feels better on his penis without a condom. The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. You may think your partner was a good person, but that something was missing in the relationship. To everyone. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. thus why I said troll label aside. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. Either_Coconut 3 mo. female April 10, 2012, 7:02 pm. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. That should have been the end of it. Wheww. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. We have the means to resolve pregnancy issues. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Babies come from the hospital. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. If he was the kinda guy that decided he wanted to be in his childs life every 5 years when it was convenient and made promises that he never kept and lost interest after a while, that would be seriously damaging to that childs sense of self-worth. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. Its a crappy scenarios but shit happens, and theres really nothing YOU can do about it. And realize that when you have sex, you could very well get someone pregnant. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Your choice. If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. There isnt even a child on the scene yet (!) It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. Thats not the point here. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! Do something to not have one! I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. I got the impression that he was furious that she opted to keep the baby and quite possibly that she misrepresented being on birth control, not that she had the audacity to become pregnant after sex. The divide between the populations of men and women that make up people differs only by a couple of percent world wide, so unless your definition of the term people consists largely of men, that argument falls through. We're doing great but after a month, he confessed he got this girl pregnant. Nothing more, nothing less. Chuck Pelto Way to break a young girl's heart. For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. datechguy Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. I dont know how you can defend it. Also, there are so many single parents who have adopted. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. If this is the case then your friend is in the clear because he has no legal responsibility any more. Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. Wow RR, I like it when you get angry. entertaining for sure, but dont be so surprised when people call you out on it a la Landygirl. Please do better. LW, your anger is misdirected. Thanks for the clarification. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. That happens. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. 2. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. But it happened. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. More like: her: what do you want to do about it? Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. If you dont find the info you need in this column, please visit the Dear Wendy archives or the forums (you can even start your own thread), do a search in the search bar, or submit a question for advice at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.
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we broke up and he got another girl pregnant